Thursday, September 22, 2011

This Too Shall Pass

As I look around my house at the piles of things to be cleaned and organized and put away, I try to remind myself that this too, yes - even all this mess, will pass.  Someday -- probably a day that is here before I can believe it -- I will look around and this life, this one that feels rushed and cluttered and overwhelming, will be nothing but a distant memory.

Something just on the edge of where I have gotten to, close enough that I can close my eyes and picture it in my mind, but far enough away that picturing it doesn't bring back the rush of emotions that I have now.  I will remember how the house was never quite spotless, the laundry was never quite completely finished, and how there was always a dish or five in the sink.  But I won't remember, I hope, the feeling of being overwhelmed when I think about that to do list on top of everything else.  I will simply remember that everything flew by, and then, in an instant, it was over and I was on the other side, mostly unscathed.  But still singed just enough to remember that it was...tough.

This is not to say that I am complaining about my life.  Far from it, in fact.  I have hobbies that bring me joy and fulfillment, an education that I am proud of, and a job that makes me wonder what I did right to get so lucky.  Even when my shifts are long and my patients are nuts, or my patients are sick or the outcome is awful, it's an incredible thing to do.  Which is the only reason that I can come up with why I am still doing it.  And the reason is...because I can't imagine doing anything else.

At least not at the moment.

Although I suppose that the decision about what to be when I grow up will have to be made soon enough.


Arizaphale said...

You are an inspiration and so right about savouring this time. The sense of fulfillment you will feel everytime you look back on climbing Mt Everest!!

chaoticfamily said...

Laundry, dishes, house cleaning can all wait. Stay strong.