Tuesday, October 12, 2010

Oh The Guilt...

When you start down the path for medical school, there are lots of things that people tell you.

"You should totally do it! Go to medical school!"

"You have got to be out of your *(&$% mind!"

"Seriously?! Are you nuts?!"

"You can do it!"

People tell you all about the stress and the time and the studying and the feeling of drinking from a fire hose going full blast.

But no one mentioned the guilt. The guilt that you aren't studying enough. The guilt that you aren't doing enough work or that you aren't smart enough and didn't really deserve to be there.

And all the other guilt -- that you are neglecting your friends (you are, although they will understand, at least for a while) and your family (you are, and they might understand, or at least they will pretend to) and your coworkers if you are dumb enough to think that you can still work and the things that need to be done around the house (you are, and your neighbors probably are wondering when your yard turned into a jungle and when you might do something about that).

And I was prepared for the stress. And the studying. And the feeling like my brain would explode if I tried to cram one more little factoid into it.

But I was completely and totally unprepared for the overwhelming guilt.


Arizaphale said...

Oh mate. I thoroughly empathise. Look at it this way...it has an end. This too will pass. All the stuff you are neglecting will still be there (mostly) when this total slog is over. You are awesome and you are doing an awesome thing.

Jen said...

I think as moms we put so much pressure on ourselves. It is so hard to balance everything and feel that you are doing everything well. I can't even imagine throwing medical school into the mix. You are a great mom and a wonderful caring person. You are going to be an amazing doctor.

natalie said...

Oh, friend. I'm sorry. You CAN do this. It WILL pass and when you are on the other side, your impact on this world is going to be so very tremendous. Some of us...strangers... are so very proud of you!