Med School Wednesday -- Sunrise

This month and next I am assigned to do my two surgery rotations.  The way that my scheduled worked out, my specialty rotation is in the burn ICU and happens before my general surgery rotation (which is Trauma, so not really general either).  I will be the first to admit that I haven't been in an ICU for any length of time since I was in nursing school and did a two week ICU rotation.  Ten years ago. 

It's not that much has changed since then -- all the basics are more or less the same.  It's more that I am COMPLETELY out of my element.  Not to mention that I was totally unprepared for an ICU experience when I was planning on a surgery rotation.  Which has led to quite the overwhelming week.  Not to mention that I was completely unprepared for the hours I would be keeping on a regular basis. 

My alarm is set for 4 AM.  And that's mostly because I just can't bear to set it for an hour that starts with 3.  Because...no.  I just can't do it. 

On the up side, the people are lovely and it's mostly a laid back rotation.  Not to mention that I am learning a ton.  You know, when my head isn't spinning. 

And the sunrises are pretty awesome to watch. 

Med School Wednesday -- Psych

When you are in medical school, the list of tasks required is long.  Which, I suspect, is common among lots of different schools.  One of the things required in medical school is rotations through various different areas of medicine.  In November, my rotation was psychiatry.  Which I did at the local VA hospital.

I know.

Now, this is not to say that I am not incredibly thankful to all of the veterans out there for everything that they have done.  Because I am.  But I was somewhat anxious about doing my psychiatry rotation there, as that entire area of medicine has a different flavor than any other. 

I must admit -- my initial guesses at what it would be like were totally and completely wrong.  It was FABULOUS.  Now, this is not to say that I love psych -- while it is interesting, it isn't something that I could see myself doing on a daily basis.  But the people that I worked with were absolutely AMAZING.  They were so kind and helpful and willing to answer questions...the residents and attending that I was with completely and totally made my month on psych a fantastic experience, and I could not be more thankful for that.  I had one other student with me full time during the rotation and that only served to make the experience even better.  It was so nice to have a partner in crime for the month -- not to mention someone who could help give me advice on all of the things left to do for the next year and a half of medical school!

And it doesn't hurt that the view wasn't too bad either...

Family Medicine

When I started medical school, I was not a fan of family medicine. I had no issue with it for run of the mill care, but I had a very difficult time seeing how one person could know enough to manage complicated issues from such a wide variety of patients. Sore throats, physicals and blood pressure? Okay fine. Pregnancy? Sorry, that's not something that I have an easy time accepting. (Disclaimer: everyone is entitled to their own opinions -- if you want to, you can love family practice and let them deliver your babies. It's just not a choice I would make).

In medical school you are required to do rotations in a large number of specialties, and that includes family medicine. And I have spent the month of October doing, you guessed it, family medicine. Which I have to admit has been a different experience than I was expecting.

I expected to hate it.

And, don't get me wrong, there are a lot of things that I am not crazy about. But I also have to admit that I don't hate it like I thought I would. The days are easy, low stress and pass (reasonably) quickly. Lunches are catered almost every day (thank you, pharmaceutical reps!), and there are no nights and no weekends.

I still have no idea what I want to do with my life once I am does with school, but if nothing else, not hating this rotation like I thought that I would is helping me keep an open mind about the different options that are out there to pick from...


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This Too Shall Pass

As I look around my house at the piles of things to be cleaned and organized and put away, I try to remind myself that this too, yes - even all this mess, will pass.  Someday -- probably a day that is here before I can believe it -- I will look around and this life, this one that feels rushed and cluttered and overwhelming, will be nothing but a distant memory.

Something just on the edge of where I have gotten to, close enough that I can close my eyes and picture it in my mind, but far enough away that picturing it doesn't bring back the rush of emotions that I have now.  I will remember how the house was never quite spotless, the laundry was never quite completely finished, and how there was always a dish or five in the sink.  But I won't remember, I hope, the feeling of being overwhelmed when I think about that to do list on top of everything else.  I will simply remember that everything flew by, and then, in an instant, it was over and I was on the other side, mostly unscathed.  But still singed just enough to remember that it was...tough.

This is not to say that I am complaining about my life.  Far from it, in fact.  I have hobbies that bring me joy and fulfillment, an education that I am proud of, and a job that makes me wonder what I did right to get so lucky.  Even when my shifts are long and my patients are nuts, or my patients are sick or the outcome is awful, it's an incredible thing to do.  Which is the only reason that I can come up with why I am still doing it.  And the reason is...because I can't imagine doing anything else.

At least not at the moment.

Although I suppose that the decision about what to be when I grow up will have to be made soon enough.

A Collection Of Random Thoughts

*I have had the NICEST patients lately.  Seriously.  So nice that I hardly believe that anyone like that exists in real life.  Except that they not only exist, but they have ALL been my patients.  It's stunning.  And also awesome.  And reminds me that my job rocks...even on the nights that it's rough.  It also makes me slightly afraid that I am due for an absolute nut case of a patient...  Not to mention that I have the world's most fantastic coworkers.  Hands down, the best.

*Why does my house ALWAYS feel dirty?  I swear I feel like I clean ALL. THE. TIME.  And then I blink and it's a disaster area.  Again.  Where does the mess come from...I hardly feel like I am home at all, let alone home enough to make a mess!  I told my coworkers last week that if I had to call 911 for something that I would have to throw myself in the neighbor's front yard, because I wouldn't want the paramedics to see my house.  That might be a little bit dramatic, but it's not completely false...

*My insomnia has been absolutely awful lately.  I'm not sure if it's stress related or just bad luck or what, but it's really annoying.  And when I say insomnia, I don't mean poor sleep...I mean no sleep.  Example?  Yesterday finally fell asleep at 10.  IN THE MORNING.  Given that I am usually required to be places all day, this is quite inconvenient. 

*The weather here has been absolutely AMAZING.  Sorry East Coast dwellers!  For almost a week straight it has been almost fall-like weather -- windows down, sun shining, put you in a great mood, amazing weather.  It makes me remember how much I love living in the midwest -- I'm not sure I could appreciate this quite the same way if it hadn't been almost 100 degrees and humid 8 days ago!

*I adore where I live.  Every time I drive down the street I look around and remember just how much I love the area I live in.  It's an older part of town, and so there are HUGE trees that line most of the streets.  I think that it's absolutely lovely, and I can't imagine living anywhere else.

*I can't seem to quit adding things to my "crafty things to make" list.  It's not all written down, which is probably a good thing...it would be a mile long!  There are just so many things I want to make -- and finding so many great ideas on Pinterest really doesn't help!  (this is to say nothing about the length of my to do list in general, but I am sure that goes without saying...)

Image Credit

Addictions

Hi, I'm Maggie, and I am an addict. 

Addicted to what, you ask?  Lots of things!  But here are a few of my latest addictions:

Pinterest.  At first I didn't understand what it was.  But one night when I couldn't sleep, I poked around a bit.  And I haven't stopped since.  There are so many things to look at!  And pin!  And...well, you get the picture.  But seriously...I love it!

Applique Forum.  I have made no secret about the love I have of my embroidery machine.  It's probably one of my favorite things I've gotten over the last year or so.  I find sewing relaxing, and I just love the finished products.  I read about a new forum for applique on Applique Cafe, so I decided to check it out.  It's been, hands down, one of my favorite things about the internet.  The ladies are so crafty and wise.  And the free designs available each month are amazing!

Diet Coke.  Okay, so that's not really new.  But I still love it. 

Presets Heaven.  Which, as the name implies, is heaven.  I am not all that great at using lightroom yet -- I will use it to sort my photos, but most of my editing is still done in photoshop.  But I just discovered this website, FULL of presets for lightroom.  Which are awesome.  And will hopefully make editing go faster, especially as it gets closer to fall, which is by far the time I do the most photoshoots. 

So tell me, what addictions have you been feeding lately?  Please, tell me I'm not the only one...

Things I've Been Reading 2

Some of the non-fiction books I've been reading:



This Won't Hurt A Bit

And if you like the book, her blog can be found here!



Heaven is for Real: A Little Boy's Astounding Story of His Trip to Heaven and Back






Clutter Rehab: 101 Tips and Tricks to Become an Organization Junkie and Love It!


If you like this book, her blog can be found here!

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Time For A Vacation

A week or so ago, I took some vacation time and escaped to the lake for a few days. My parents and sisters do not live in the same place that I do, but the lake makes for a nice meeting point, as it is an equal distance from my parents' house and mine.

We went while pretty much the entire country was immersed in hell in the middle of a heat wave, so we didn't spend too much time outside. I am pale as a ghost on the fair side in terms of skin, so I usually don't go out in the sun too often. But when it feels like 107 outside, the only way to cool off is in a pool, even if it's just for a few minutes...

My mom.



One of the few pictures of me. Proof that I was actually there...



My sisters got these hideous special sunglasses. Nice, no?



My sisters and my dad.



It would probably be better if I had put in the shot of the water splashing, but oh well...it's harder than you think to keep a camera away from splashing water when the person jumping in is a grown up!

Things I've Been Reading

First, let me say that I never realized how much I would love using an e-reader. I have read more books since getting my iPad six month ago than I had in the two years before that. I have always liked to read, but it is so much more convenient when I always have the book with me!

Here are some of the books I have been reading lately:

The Midwife's Confession

Look Again





Save Me (See all Thrillers Books)






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Bouncy

When I was little, I always thought it would be SO FUN to have a trampoline.

My parents did not really agree. Or maybe they did, but they still wouldn't let me have one.

The beauty of being a grown up is that now I can make my own decisions. That's right, I got myself a trampoline.

SO FUN!

I figured it was mostly just fabric stretched out with springs on a metal frame....how hard is that to assemble?

Answer?

Holy hell Harder than you think.

It took two of us almost six hours. In nearly 90 degree heat.

Of course the fact that a three month old and a six year old were "helping" might have made it a tad bit harder...

But still...it's so much fun, and totally worth it!

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Final

628 days

11 sections

12 midterms

11 finals

12 OCS practicals

52 hours of pathology lab

72 hours of anatomy lab

128 hours of OCS lab

1055 hours of lecture

3000 hours of studying

And this is the last weekend (with any luck) that I will spend studying for a medical school final. The last day of lecture is over, the last lab is done. I still have a lot of studying left to do, both for next week and for boards in June (YIKES!), but when I look at all the other numbers, a little bit longer doesn't seem so bad.

If you would have told me what all of this would be like before I started I never would have run screaming in the other direction never believed you. What a journey.

Whew.

Lacrosse

I moved away from St Louis when I went to college, but most of my family still lives there. There have been a few visits from my parents or my sisters in the years that I have lived away from home, but not too many -- since I go home on the holidays that I am not working, I haven't had too many visitors. Which is not a woe is me thing, it's really just fact.

But my youngest cousin was in town a few weeks ago to play in a lacrosse tournament. Since the team only drove up for the day on the bus, most of the families (including my aunt and uncle) didn't make the trip -- not that I blame them, driving four hours each way to watch some lacrosse games doesn't sound too fun to me either. I was working all weekend, but luckily one of the games started at 3, so I could go before I had to head back to work...after all, I couldn't pass up the chance to see someone who actually came to where I live (even if it was only for a few hours!)


The pups were VERY excited that I not only woke up much earlier than I normally do, but that they actually got to go with me on a little car trip. And the weather outside was GORGEOUS!










And this is my absolute favorite picture from the game:


If you look closely, you can see the facial expression of the other player (in the white shirt), who is being slammed squarely in the gut by my cousin's lacrosse stick. Hey, sometimes agressiveness runs in the family...

Favorite

My very favorite thing about Thursdays is my standing lunch date with my favorite baby and her mom.



While I can't wait for her mom to come back to work, a 3 hour lunch once a week sure does wonders to brighten a week! :)

Special Delivery

I would have been better about telling everyone what I've been up to (which, in case you are wondering, is nothing much), but all of my coworkers have decided now is a good time to deliver.

And, well, being there for the arrival of people that I've been anxious to meet is one of the absolute coolest things about my job.

Crafty Tuesday: Sneak Peek

Since it's Tuesday, the interwebs are once again filled with crafty delights for Crafty Tuesday.

And I have something (sort of) to share...or at least a little of something... I am busy at work over a several week break from regular classes, many plans which include things that are highly crafty. But nothing is quite finished yet.

So here is a little sneak peek on what I have been working on since my 8 hour flight from Chicago on Sunday. And for those of you playing along at home, I live in KS. Which is most definitely not normally an 8 hour flight away. But that's a story for another time... So for now, here's a tiny peek at what's been keeping me busy...


For some actual craftiness, head to Carrie's and see what everyone's got to share!

These Are A Few Of My Favorite Things...

Fleece Jackets. I have 15. Think I have a slight problem?



Scented Candles. I almost always have one burning. And I refuse to count them...I don't want to know how many I have. The one is Amber Cream...it smells amazing...



My label maker. LOVE. IT.



My DVR. I'd never get to watch anything without it.


What can't you live without these days?

Another Reason To Join The Family

Just in case The Bag Game wasn't enough of a reason for you to want to join my family (or at least my family gatherings), allow me to give you another:

Jello shots.
Or, as I like to call them, Jello shots for Jesus.
Festively done in holiday colors!

Several years ago my mom got the idea that she wanted to take Jello Shots to the family holiday. Why? No idea. But I can only assume that she saw them somewhere and thought it was fun. Which makes me also assume that she never experienced this little alcohol filled wonder before adulthood. But like a good little jello shot maker she went to a party supply store and bought little cups and lids and everything, selected festive colors (red and green for christmas, more pastel colors for Easter...hey, our Jesus really likes his Jello Shots!) and made the family some shots.

See, and here you thought that you might not want to join in on The Bag Game.... Believe me -- a few of these little shots and you'll join in on just about anything...

And yes, this post did go out twice - once on Tuesday night (when I was too tired to pay attention to what I was doing) and once now -- when it was supposed to show up :)

A Little of This, A Little of That

I think that one of my biggest problems with not posting more often is that I don't feel like my day to day life is that exciting. And that if nothing earth shattering happens that it isn't worth a post. But if I subscribe to that theory, I won't have a post more often than every six months.

But I just read Kimberly's most recent post and decided that I rather liked the little snippets. So here's my own version. I'm such a follower. But at least I follow in the footsteps of awesome people. :)

This is what I will be doing for the next six months. Studying for boards. And doing regular school. And working. Because obviously I have a death wish. But seriously...the thought of studying for a test for six months makes me want to throw up just a little. Okay, sometimes a lot.

My sister got me this mug for Christmas, and I find it absolutely hilarious. I laugh every time I see it. And since it makes me laugh, I haven't actually used it yet. I just keep laughing every time I see it in my bag and then I don't want to use it and get it dirty, so I use a different mug. I'm also just a little afraid I'll drop it and break it. And yes, I have heard of that crazy invention that you call dish soap...I've even heard that you could use it to make things that are dirty (like said mug) clean again. Don't ask me why I haven't looked into this further, perhaps by actually using the mug...

I bought myself this little beauty. And I have to admit...I love it. I use it every day. I bought it for two main reasons. The first (and probably largest) was because I wanted one. Hey - at least I can admit it. And second, to study with -- it's small enough that I can fit it in my purse and carry it with me, making board studying able to fill even the smallest snippets of time. Or to use to check my google reader or facebook with...

This is how far I've gotten taking down my Christmas decorations. They are (mostly) boxed up. And stacked in the living room. I just can't bear to take them to store in the garage...okay, or to take down the naked tree. I love Christmas, and I am seriously sad that it's over. I'm not turning on the lights anymore though...I don't want the neighbors to know what a slacker I am...

We have FINALLY gotten our first snow of the year! I don't really like cold weather -- at least not frigid cold weather -- but I LOVE snow. I just think it's so pretty and peaceful. I really don't even mind driving in it, although I don't go out and drive around in it just for fun. But I've never gotten snow days from work, so it isn't like I hide in the house. Okay, so I did stay home from school on Monday and said it was because of the snow. But it was really because I wanted to sleep in and not go to lecture. It's not my fault the people that they had scheduled to lecture weren't any good! Besides, I studied at home, so I think that still counts...right?!

Oh The Guilt...

When you start down the path for medical school, there are lots of things that people tell you.

"You should totally do it! Go to medical school!"

"You have got to be out of your *(&$% mind!"

"Seriously?! Are you nuts?!"

"You can do it!"

People tell you all about the stress and the time and the studying and the feeling of drinking from a fire hose going full blast.

But no one mentioned the guilt. The guilt that you aren't studying enough. The guilt that you aren't doing enough work or that you aren't smart enough and didn't really deserve to be there.

And all the other guilt -- that you are neglecting your friends (you are, although they will understand, at least for a while) and your family (you are, and they might understand, or at least they will pretend to) and your coworkers if you are dumb enough to think that you can still work and the things that need to be done around the house (you are, and your neighbors probably are wondering when your yard turned into a jungle and when you might do something about that).

And I was prepared for the stress. And the studying. And the feeling like my brain would explode if I tried to cram one more little factoid into it.

But I was completely and totally unprepared for the overwhelming guilt.

The Things You Find

I moved almost four months ago, after living in the same apartment for SEVEN YEARS.

I know.

I had lots of reasons for staying, which is a different post entirely. But we'll save that for another time. But really, I stayed because it was home -- because I made it my home.

It was my first home that was mine. It was the first place I lived after graduating from college. The first place I lived when I had a grown up job. And got to do grown up things in - have dinner parties, host out of town guests, decorate for holidays. It wasn't always good, but the good certainly outweighed the bad. Because, really, when you think about it, life is pretty awesomely good.

I unpacked most of my boxes a long time ago, but there was still a random assortment of stuff in the garage that I just hadn't gotten to yet. To be honest, I really wasn't even sure what all was in there - things that had gotten moved in a last minute rush just to get everything out of my apartment.

And last night I was struck with an overwhelming urge to get everything out of the garage. RIGHT THEN. Probably due in part to the fact that I was studying for the fourth day straight a test, but due in part because I just felt like it had to be done NOW.

So I did it. All the random stuff -- okay, MOST of the random stuff -- got brought inside and sorted out. And then I came to a box that didn't have any type of label on it at all. And had also clearly been closed up for a very long time -- much longer than the few months ago I moved. And I thought that I should probably just toss it -- after all, if it had been so long that I didn't even know what was in it, then I surely didn't need whatever it was, right?

But life doesn't ever work that way. So I opened it.

And I was shocked. The box had been closed up a long time alright...since before I moved into my apartment, to be exact. See, I dated the same person for the vast majority of college. Made life plans, blah blah blah. And then, as they so often do, things changed. Or got hard. Or grew up. Or whatever.

I should take a moment to mention here that I am not a good decision maker. What do I want for dinner? What movie do I want to see? What should I wear? What do I think about any specific topic? These are questions that I could hem and haw on FOREVER.

But the big decisions? I decide and I don't look back. For better or for worse.

So I walked away.

I boxed everything up, put it away, and didn't look back. And we all know what box I found, now don't we? Of course. It held all sorts of things that I had long forgotten about. And, as it turns out, at the bottom of the box there was a card that I'm not sure I had ever even opened. A card not even from him -- but from his sister. You would expect that it wouldn't be too kind, given that after being together quite a while I walked away and didn't look back.

But it wasn't unkind at all. Of all things? It was a thank you card of sorts, reminding me that no matter where I went or what I did with my life, that I should remember the impact I had, and that it was something she would be forever grateful for.

And finding that card? Was one of the best things that has happened to me in a long time.